"I'm like a bird"

Time flies.. does it?
Yes! It flies like a bird that is busy to fly to the warm continent,like a bird that wants to escape the cold winter. I want to be a bird. I want to fly without worries.
At the moment I'm busy with studies. I need to be hard working, cause I need to pass my college board. On the other way I'm not able to go..to the warm, to finally see my beloved. It's the bitter reality that I need to face. If I faill, I need to do the resit. It's like a vicious circle. I know I need to study, but I'm so stressed and over so big pressures that it's difficult to concentrate. With shaking hands I try.I try to close myself from the other world and just read and read. I only do it because of one reason. Only, cause I can't be not seeing him any longer. Yes, we are still together, almost since 7 months. I still can't realise it. Is it my life that I'm living? Not that it would be like a sweet dream, it's far from it, but that it's me who have found a special person.

Summer passed over far too quickly, as always. Somehow I still can't be not thinking it as a good thing. When something is limited, of course it's more precious. You can't have it always. That's why people are so much happier and that's what I like.
Quite funny actually, cause I'm not that different during the summer time. Or maybe I may, cause then I don't have any stress from school. I can't handle stress at all. I'm so weak, when I have stress ,I'm like I never could have been able to control myself. But I can happily say this has been a good summer. One by one summers are going to be real, good summers to me. Slowly I learn how to live without it always with me.Without anorexia. Three weeks that I spent in Germany as a voluntary worker were three, good week! I'm proud of myself. Three weeks is the longest time that I've ever been away from home. And yes, I went there without knowing anyone beforhand. I'm not the same person that I was before going there. There's a girl before Germany and girl after Germany and still I'm exactly the same girl that I used to be before. I trust more to myself! Now I believe a bit more that I'm good in the way I am. After all I'm always going to be a shy Finnish girl, but it doesn't matter. When you go to spend three weeks with new people, you can be what you are or what you want to be. No one knows you before! That's what I like.
Long time I wanted to go abroad. First as a exchange student, then to language course, untill it came to my mind, to volunteer. I really recommend it, maybe not to everyone, but for those who wants to get special experiemences.

Maybe the fall makes us to become depressed..maybe we would like to have summer forever. I want to avoid thinking like that. I want to find the positive, nice things. Think about the beautiful evenings,when it's cool outdoor and you want to go for a walk. What a perfect moment to do it! Or imagine that cute and warm jacket that you saw at the store. Now it starts to be the right moment to buy it!
And books, hot chocolate&tea, TV and movie- nights, being with family.. list would goes on. So, here you see, the fall is not that bad at all.
And if you are every now and then a bit sad, it's also fully allright.