Soulmate to everyone..

Dreams, dreams..dreams are made to come true. All of them? Who knows, we just have to find out.

Usually I dream quite much, sometimes a way too much. On the other way, can anyone dream too much? I see dreams only as a good thing. It's good to have something to dream about. It's good to have something to wait. Something to fight for.
By dreaming we have a meaning. It's always sad to hear about people who don't dream at all. I think it tells a lot about them and their attitudes of life.
Couple days ago I talked with my granny.It was a short, but weird moment. We usually don't talk about anything very deep. I don't know what happened, but I found myself telling her about my feelings. " I'm always looking forward something else. I can't live fully in this moment", I told her. A woman who has seen life many, many years more than me answered that it's life. It's always going to be like that. Should I believe her, over 80 years old woman and acquiesce to the reality? Am I always going to live like I'm not happy in this moment I have? Can't I ever be happy without waiting something else to happen? I could fill my head with this questions and try to find smart answeres to them. However, I decided to let it be.

Maybe I'm still just a silly, naive girl who lives in her dreams. Hmm, it just doesn't feel like it. I have dreams, but I don't live in them. My days are still struggling. Big part of my life is still trying to find the meaning and the meaningfullness of doing things. Why it has to be so hard? At the same time I feel good. Not for a long time, but every time I think of it: My dreams to go to Africa and to meet my love in a real life. We've been together four months now. This is my first relationship. "Relationship?", ask people. "How you can be in relationship with a person you have ever met?" I don't know how I can? Maybe just because I feel this is the right way.It may sounds clishé, but it doesn't matter.
I know people keeps telling me about the cultural differences and the distance between us. People always find ways to see the negative sides of things. I could do with some support, but it seems that I'm not going to get it much. No, I'm not bitter. This is my life and it's been surprising to notice how strong I am when it comes to things that I believe in. On the other ways I'm not strong at all. I'm weak. I have no strenghts to do something to things in current part of my life.
I admit I'm not in the balance yet. I'm still powerless. I admit that I'm a questionmark. Have I done a too big decission when I have started this relationship? Should I just give myself more time and wait that I'm fully healt? Those are the questions that I'm keep asking myself. And always I realise I couldn't just wait.
I know it, I'm never going to be back to normal, but this is who I am now. I have to live with me."There is a soulmate to to everyone", do you believe in it? So, should I have just walked away and escape my feelings?